November 23, 2015: Looking Back

 I posted a blog entry each day for the entire month of November 2011, being reminded of this thru social media with those time hop reminders. You know those ones that pop up daily to remind you of what you did on this day, in this year, or that year. It's been fun to look back and be reminded of those memories. Truly something I have missed. 

Life truly does go by so quickly. So much has happened over the years, things I should have been documenting all along. But then you hear things that discourage you, and disrupt your writing habits. Words that make you feel vulnerable and suddenly just a bit anxious about sharing with readers. There also comes a time when you tell your heart to write anyway, because this is my place to document my memories, my life. 

 
 So I'll sit and remember....
My family has grown so much.
                                 
                                      Tonya and her family. Laci 6/Mia 4/ Noah 2
                                                  (May 2015)
                       
                                                         

Kristina and her family

Harper 2/Brooklyn 1

(September 2015)

                                                  Beth and Momma (me)
                                                     on her wedding day
                                                            (June 2014)

 I am going to try again. Maybe not every day, but as often as possible. 

It's chilly outside tonight and there is a warm fire burning in the wood stove. I'm making plans for Thanksgiving, or ThanksFamily, or whatever one chooses to address the 4th Thursday in November. 

In my home it's a time to spend being together and looking back on the past year and sharing the things that we are thankful for. It's about slowing down and catching up with one another. It's a time for being held close, and letting those we love know how very much they mean to us. It's for remembering those from the past, keeping them alive in our hearts. It's for creating a haven for love to grow and hold us close for the days still yet to come. My home is filled with love, laughter, family, friends, and really good food. In trying to keep up with 'preserving a past to be proud of', it's my hope that each person takes a few memories home with them to store up in their hearts. Traditions to carry on for the future generation. The little ones too will remember these times, and it will teach them that home is where you find your very being, within the love of your family, and these very moments shared together.                                                           

                                                                   

                                                                     

The Girasole Lady

Judging

'We can never judge the lives of others, because each

person knows only their own pain and self-sacrifice.

It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but

it's another to think that yours is the only path"

-Paul Coelho-

For Myself

(Many times at night I cannot sleep. I get up during the wee  hours and write. I've never posted these writings, they are simply saved as drafts. These are usually heartfelt words I've kept inside, too afraid to say them out loud. Tonight is such a night, this night I am reminding myself that I write for me, as a whole, and it's part of my way in "preserving a past to be proud of " my entire idea behind this blog) 

When was it that the days started to pass as quickly as minutes, and the years mere hours? 

Things did not happen with this blinding speed during my own childhood, that which I am most acutely aware of while I watch my Gran-children play endlessly outside. Time stands still for them, as it once did for me. 

A seed planted in a cup took forever to sprout. Time dragged on so that the clock appeared to be traveling backwards. Car trips seemed endless, Summer was a different lifetime. The future stretched ahead infinite as the stars in the nighttime sky, shinning with eternal hope and promise. I was immortal. As far back as I could remember I've existed in this world, so how possibly could the world exist without me. The bright and eternal future waited for me. I had all the time in the world. 

But then suddenly without my awareness or consent, time began to pick up speed, days, months, even whole seasons began to slip by easily. All of a sudden one morning I discovered it was Fall, What happened to Summer I wondered, and all the things I thought I would accomplish during the season that never came to be. It seemed to have all passed without my noticing it, until it was gone. I was suspicious, but even then I could not grasp the truth. 

Only when time gathered the frightening momentum that rushed events into the past at lightening speed was I able see that I was not immortal. My favorite songs that evoked special moments were played on oldie stations. The current events taking place during my childhood suddenly became the stuff in history books. Seasons became closer and closer. A soft cushion of fat formed on my thighs overnight, and surely wrinkles appeared as I looked at myself in the mirror. 

I began to see that my life will rush by at an alarming rate. I will grow old. 

The trees that have grown tall, my home, my family, my animals, the imperfections of my ageing body, the events that fly towards the past remind me today of these truths that I learned some years ago. My mind accepts them, and usually, my heart does as well, Being too busy living today and planning tomorrow, to do otherwise. Sometimes though, I grieve for everything that has gone by. I mourn a future that cannot be slowed down and stretched into the infinity I wish for myself. 

It is not despair I feel, it is just an ache. 

I hurt over old mistakes, harsh words, bad choices, wrong paths. I linger over memories of childhood pleasure, first love, the joy of learning. I long for the return of the Summer song of my youth. 

I do all these things when I feel the clock ticking double time. I remember uttering words so cutting and harsh they caused wounds that never healed properly. When I'm aching over life's shortness I remember countless mistakes, caused by acting without thought. My fears and flaws and embarrassing moments seem worse in the light of the present. 

I remember too, sparkling moments in the long distant past. 

The pains and joys of today will soon be part of my memories as well, all to soon. The future is not the endless expanse I foolishly thought it was. I cannot slow it's passage any more than I can retrieve the past, Even if I could, would I really want to change my life, change who I am? 

Still there is this ache. 

Tomorrow I will forget it...

picture credit- Robert Duncan, Artist

The Girasole Lady

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The Girasole Lady

Life in May

Life is in full swing here at Girasole Farm. 

Remember the ORCHARD we planted several years ago? It's finally getting big enough for us to reap the benefits of fresh fruit.  Plums, Pears, Peaches, Nectarines, Apples, Persimmons, Pomegranates. 

We've added chickens to the farm this year. 

I can hardly wait for them to start laying eggs. 

Ah yes- the staple of the Farm, horses. 

The 'boys' are doing well, and are fulfilling their duties as field ornaments. 

It wouldn't be home without them. 

The vegetable garden is small again this year, using the four small raised beds from last year. 

Just the basics, Zucchini, Cucumbers, Tomatoes, Isley & Jalepeno peppers, Radishes, and some Carrots. 

The rest I need comes from our local farmers in the area. 

Everything else at the moment seems well here. 

The Girasole Lady

Moving Right Along

Spring has officially arrived here at Girasole Farm. 

Everyday there is something new outside, and each day I am excited to venture out and soak in everything bursting with life. 

Peonies are a favorite Spring flower. 

Even more-so when it grows in your own garden. 

There was a lovely patch of wild Lupines growing in our field. 

We took our first trip to Farmer's Market for the year. 

 Caveman is recovering nicely, and things are getting back to normal. 

There is always so much happening. 

Today is Beth's bridal shower. My last little girl, my baby, is getting married in just a few short weeks. I've been up since 4:15AM. There are several things I need to finish up here, before heading up to Tonya's for all the final preparation for today's festivities. 

The skies are a little gray this morning, and we may see some rain. 

I'm looking forward to a day spent with family and friends, and of course my baby girl. 

I'm going to try and keep my journal entries shorter, in hopes I'm encouraged to write more often. 

The Girasole Lady

HELLO...Is it me you're looking for...

I wrote this 7 days ago...

**********************************
'Eat, Pray, Love' -is playing on the TV.

I'm sitting in a very unfamiliar place.

I'm up way past my usual Country bedtime.

Outside there are no stars that I can see in the night time sky.

There are no horses, no cows, no chickens, and nothing that even remotely resembles my life. 

What there is outside though is....concrete, pavement, buildings, trucks, cars, and people, lots of people. 

Caveman is sick, really sick, as in the hospital sick. 
We are at Stanford Hospital in Palo Alto.
The constant vague squeak of a dripping IV line. 
A monitor that beeps information ...
oxygen, respiration rate, heart rate, and blood pressure.
The nurses, and other medical team, in and out...in and out...
I doze off in small waves of sleep.
Caveman calls for me, he needs me to help him get out of bed, 
or move positions, or he just needs to hear my voice. 
I promise to him that I will not leave his side. 

Oh I'm so homesick. Home is where I find my strength, and peace. It's selfish for me to feel this, I know. 
I miss my girls, and the strength they give me. The touch of a hug, the daily nurturing we provide to each other. Although we chat daily, they are not here with me, but they are where they need to be...home, home with their families, and taking care of things for me too. Feeding horses, and kitties, getting the mail, and Maverick is having a vacation with Laci and Mia. 

Dear girls, please know how incredibly much I love you. 
I know for now, we are all exactly where we should be.
**********************************************

Caveman didn't come here sick, he came here for kidney surgery, Thursday March 27th.
Although a complicated, delicate surgery, nothing like this was expected post-OP.
The surgery went well, very well. A malignant tumor was removed from his right kidney.
(Papillary Renal Cell Carcinoma)
The cancer was contained completely inside of the tumor, and it was removed in its' entirety, clean margins, and only 25% of the kidney had to be removed with the tumor. At the closing of the procedure the remaining kidney was already resuming "normal" kidney function.

On Saturday afternoon, the 29th,  Caveman was given the OK to be released, and we headed to our hotel room for a day of rest before making the journey home.

No sooner than being at the hotel for a couple of hours Caveman started not feeling so well. Some GI disturbances, and a low grade fever. Soon to follow, the symptoms began to increase. I spoke with the on-call physician a couple of times, and followed the instructions given. By 3AM Caveman's fever spiked to 103.3.
I knew then that something wasn't right. The fever went down again to low grade, but the GI symptoms were increasing rapidly.  By wee hours of the morning I was once again on the phone with the physicians, and we were instructed to head to the ER.
Caveman was re-admitted to the hospital in less than 24 hours from being discharged, Sunday March 30th.
His was diagnosed with C-Diff infection (Clostridium Difficile Colitis) a serious bacterial infection in the lower GI tract.  Most commonly contracted in a hospital setting where the patient has been treated with a broad spectrum antibiotic, such as Caveman was, prior, during, and after surgery.

I could go on and on about the subject, but will spare the gory details here. If you're interested just search C-Diff on the internet and there is abundant material available.
What I will say is, it's BAD, really BAD, and a very serious infection.
Caveman was restricted to an isolation room, strict hand washing guidelines and gloves were required upon entry and exit of his room.

In all our years together I have never seen him, actually nor anyone else I know, that sick. For the first time ever, I wasn't sure of the outcome. Sunday and Monday were long hard days and nights. Finally by Tuesday I saw a glimpse of Caveman getting better. But still, I couldn't shake the uncertainly of the days to come. I no longer knew what day it was, nor the time of day either. These things don't matter in a hospital, it all blends together. Little by little things improved, and once again, Caveman was released from the hospital Thursday afternoon, March  April 3rd. We returned to our hotel room, and throughout the afternoon and night I jumped at every move he made.

Friday morning we started the journey home, after a couple of stops, we arrived home by late afternoon.
Though we haven't been without some minor set backs, Caveman is making progress. This recovery is slow...and will take time, lots and lots of time, and lots of patience.

For the first time, for me, this morning I can actually form a coherent sentence. I've been, and still am, exhausted. Exhausted both physically and emotionally.

This journey for Caveman, and myself, started late in January, taking an emergent trip to the ER for a kidney stone, and overnight hospital stay, which is when this tumor in his kidney was found. The weeks that followed were that of doctor visits, tests, and research.

Stanford Hospital is an excellent choice for medical help, and we were lucky enough to find a wonderful doctor, Benjamin Chung, MD-(Urology/ Oncology) who provided nothing but the very best medical care available. The staff and medical teams at Stanford are superior to none. Even though Caveman contracted this infection while being there, as it could have happened at any hospital, we wouldn't have wanted to be anywhere else. Things happen, they just do.

Caveman's brother, and wife, were with us every single step of the way, and for that we will never, in a lifetime, be able to express our gratitude and thankfulness, for their unselfish giving. They deserve a story of their own, and in time I will say the needed words, if there are any, to express our appreciation.
There are others too, that were, and still are, etched in our hearts along this journey.

Prior to leaving our home for this surgery, the days and weeks were spent in preparing for our absence here at Girasole Farm. Many, many, chores to try to accomplish.

And that, my friends, is where I have been.

The Girasole Lady

My Morning View

 I generally like to be up for the day by 5AM. I've always been a very early morning riser.

My days are better just by watching the sun rise over the hills. 

I never tire of the beautiful morning colors. 

It goes something like this...

The Girasole Lady

Nagging At Myself

All these thoughts swirling around in my head, could quiet possibly disappear, if I don't stop and take the time out to  journal about them. 

I've nagged, and nagged, myself about this for weeks. 

I've, once again, declined to a New Year's Resolution. 

About the only thing I accomplish is, when I do so, is to simply set myself up for failure. 

Instead, I always keep trying to better myself from one day to the next. 

There has been sewing....

This is a dress I made for Mia. 

The fabric is Riley Blake

Enchantment/ Cinderberry Stitches by Natalie Lymer 

-front-

I am working on dresses for Laci and Harper too. 

Same style, different fabric choices. 

-back-

The inspiration for this dress comes from a unique line of children's clothing, Matilda Jane. 

I adore the Matilda Jane dresses, but they are very, very, pricey. 

Matilda Jane offers a dress,  the 'Knot Dress' , and this is my version of it. 

I'm working on a quilt just for ME! 

The blocks are almost done, I will be adding another border around each block 

before placing them all together. 

 I'm also working on two new quilts, one for Laci, and one for Mia. 

They have outgrown their 'baby' blankets, at least in size, they can hardly cover themselves up with them. 

The new quilts are 'big girl' size. 

The back is super soft Minky.

The front rose print flannel is Westminster Fabric, 

Sugar Hill/Scattered Roses by Tanya Whalen.

As far as sewing goes, I have several irons in the fire, so to speak. 

Ya know- I love it. Switching from this project to that project. 

There's been a Bon-Fire with the Gran-babies. 

 Laci told me she was a 'gatherer'.

Sitting by the fire time.

Snacking on crackers.

 Apparently eating a cracker is serious business...

and so is fire watching. 

That night Laci and Mia spent the night here with Grammy and Papa. 

These are the moments I want to freeze in my heart and mind, the ones when the magic is so intense, it's almost unbelievable. 

This time, this now, when everything feels just so very, very, right with all the world. 

This year our little family will be growing and changing once again. 

In June we will be gaining another Son-in-law.

In August we will be gaining yet another, #5, Gran-BABY!!!  

Little Harper will be a BIG sister...

All in all, life is good.

I'm fully aware at just how blessed I truly am. 

The Girasole Lady

Remembering November, and Other Thoughts

If one word could described November for me,
 it's Plenty. 

*We had the precious addition of a Gran-SON, yes a BOY, on the 13th.  

Noah Bryce Edwards. 

*Mia had a trip to the ER for respiratory distress, Bronchitis.
she's fully recovered and feeling like her perfect self now

*All the Gran-kids had been sick with colds. 

*I've been watching Harper 4 days a week, she's BUSY and has learned to WALK.
She will be a year old on the 22nd!!!

*I almost warded off two attempts of the cold virus attack on myself, which sadly ended in a relentless cough for 2 weeks. 

*My baby, Beth, turned 27 on the 12th. 

*My sis, Jen, came for a weekend visit (pre-Thnksgiving) the first weekend in November.
Together we put up 3 batches of Pomegranate jam.

*I planned and executed a very successful Thanksgiving Turkey meal,

 -cooking for somewhere around 20ish adults and 6 babies-

*I cooked 2 turkeys this year- one 23lb and another 12lb
(which we demolished for turkey sandwiches on Friday) 

*I repeated the same hustle and bustle for a Saturday Ham meal.  

*Not only were the usual family members able to be with us this year, we had an extra special visit from my cousin, his beautiful wife, and their adorable 6 month old baby girl. 

*My brother, sis in law, two nephews, and my Sis in laws Mom, were able to join us this year as well.

*I cooked.

*I cleaned. 

*I took care of people.

*It's what I do. 

*It's who I am.  

*We finished the back porch addition, just in time for all the festivities, 

the weather was amazing, and we were able to fully enjoy the extra space outdoors for socializing and eating. 

*Our home was filled with love, laughter,and loved ones, making memories to last a lifetime. 

*I couldn't have asked for more. 

*Well maybe except, that I have absolutely NO pictures of any the above.
It just wasn't in me this year to take the extra time out for picture taking.
-unless you count the turkey brine in the stock pot that I made on Tuesday evening-

I started out with the best of intentions...
 Yep- it's true.

Right after Thanksgiving the weather turned COLD...

It seems each year in November I spend a fair amount of time in thought to myself.

I thought about how the last two plus years have been at home since leaving my office job...

I thought how I'd noticed the shadows in my home, as the sun changes them from day to day, especially in the late afternoons. Something I had not taken the time to notice while I was busy working.
I know that must sound a little weird, but in the absolute quiet and stillness
(you know that moment that rarely happens)
I notice how the inside looks, all the while barely noticing it for so many years.

I thought about sewing, quilting, gardening, books, and my family and all the babies that surround my daily life.
That how when I left my job I had only one gran-baby, and now I have FOUR.
Laci-4
Mia-3
Harper-1
Noah- 1 mo.
It's only been 2 1/2 years since then.

I thought about people who have passed through my life,
some staying that I thought would go,
and others drifting that I thought would never leave.
Sometimes, it's painful.
 I learned that this year.
It's ok, I'm ok too.

I thought about some changes I would like to make for myself.
Not big, just small things.

Learning that I just cannot be ALL the things.
Each night I pray for kindness, patience, and compassion.
Each day striving to do better than the day before. 

I thought about spiritual things....
am I religious person?- No I am not
am I a spiritual person?-yes I am
Is there a difference?
To me there is..
I personally do not feel the need for an external validation of my spirituality.
Does that make me a bad person? - No-
It makes me a quiet person...

Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life and attend to your own business and work with your hands. 
~1 Thess. 4:11

The Girasole Lady

This Fall

This Fall, so far, lots of things have been happening here at Girasole Farm. 

We are patiently awaiting the arrival of Gran-baby #4- a BOY! 

I suspect he will make his grand entrance this week or next. 

We're still working on the back porch addition, finishing up the roof. We have the posts set and the cross beams up. It's been a work in progress that's for sure. 

Caveman's last day of work for the year is November 15th, and he will return to work on January 6th. 

This is the time of year when the long, long, work days of Summer really pay off. YAY! 

We've collected wood from the mountains, and officially had our first fire in the wood stove just a few days ago. 

 I spent a day baking a cake with Laci and Mia. 

I can cook a mean pie, but cake..well... 

I'm not so good. 

I can certainly make a tasty cake, but let's just say there is severe lack in presentation.  

In my cookbook obsession, I purchased this book on cakes...

Most of the recipes make nice small 6" cakes. 

The pans used are 6" round, 3" deep, although the only pans I could find were 2"deep. 

Isn't that cake on the cover lovely?

Simple, clean, and beautiful. 

That's what I tried to achieve...

but it didn't turn out so well...

Yummy none the less. 

I had positively adorable helpers...

Mia

Laci

We had a really great time together! 

That is what really mattered. 

Then there was Halloween...

 which consisted of a Butterfly
(Laci)

A Little Stinker Skunk

                                                                                                                    (Harper)

                                                                          A Ladybug

(Mia)

 Ryan, Tonya,

Laci and Mia

Kristina and Harper. 

In other non-pictured news-

Cousin Aletha came for a visit. 

I put up 3 batches of Pomegranate jam.

I painted  and re-decorated the Hall bathroom.

My sis and her boys came for a unexpected, Pre-Thanksgiving visit, this past weekend. 

My head is swirling with all sorts of ideas for Thanksgiving.

We are blessed enough to have some extra special family coming to be with us this year. 

My home will be full of family, friends, and LOTS of babies this year. 

Our hearts, as always, will be filled of  love, contentment, and peace. 

I see skies of blue, 
And clouds of white. 
The bright blessed day, 
The dark sacred night. 
And I think to myself, What a wonderful world. 

-Louis Armstrong-

The Girasole Lady

Jelly Roll Jam Quilt/New Aprons

The Fat Quarter Shop posted a great

Jelly Roll Jam Quilt,

complete pattern and tutorial. 

I love the Fat Quarter Shop.

This is a super simple quilt, and it just so happened I had a couple of Jelly Rolls just waiting to be used. 

I've actually had them for over a year, (maybe longer) stashed in my craft room.

Don't know what a Jelly Roll is....

CLICK HERE TO GO TO THE MODA WEB SITE

This pattern literally just takes just a couple of hours to make this quilt, start to finish. 

I made two of them. 

The quilts are lap size, measuring about 36x36. 

This was made from a Moda Jelly Roll, Coming Home by Deb Strain. 

I used the new Moda, Wool and Needle Flannel, by Primitive Gatherings, in black, for the backing.

The second one

is also made from a Moda Jelly Roll, Together by Brannock and Patek. 

I used the same Flannel backing as the other quilt, only in red. 

I cannot say enough good things about Moda brand fabric, 

and several other of my favorite makers. 

Yes, I have to admit it...

I'm a fabric SNOB!'

OK- I said it! 

I can't, and won't, settle for the cheaper fabric store brands. 

It's the feel, the texture, and the quality, and  that's what I choose to pay for. 

I always stick to the higher end manufactures and designers. 

Which brings me to the point of selling them.

I can't. Why?

Because I'm not so sure I could even cover my material costs in each quilt. 

Each quilt has about $50.00 of material involved. 

Which, does not include my time or thread. 

Each Jelly Roll runs about $40.00, I used half of a Roll in each quilt. 

The Flannel for the backing was $11.99 per yard, I used one yard in each quilt. 

The batting was $17.99 per bag, I used 1 bag, minus 2 feet,  for each quilt. 

So really, unless you have a fair knowledge about the fabric costs of the materials used, 

would you really be willing to pay $50.00 per quilt, or more?

I'm working on some new Aprons....

Here's a sneak peek at the fabrics I'll be using...

Another great manufacture, Robert Kaufman, designed by 

Mary Lake Thompson. 

I'm making more of the smock style aprons, and will be selling them for $34.95 each. 

They will be this style

I'm currently out of the chicken print, but if you're interested in these fabrics for an Apron, 

I'm pretty sure I can get more.

If you, or anyone you know, may be interested in purchasing an Apron, please contact me directly, before I list them in my Etsy Store. 

Which has been sorely neglected these past several months. 

Boo...:(

Have a lovely day. 

The Girasole Lady